The Third Culture Kid Experience; Growing Up Among Worlds

by David Pollock and Ruth Van Reken

Reviewed by Linda Bell

"But my children never had any problems!" That's the spontaneous comment I hear all too often when veteran foreign service officers or their spouses ask me what my book is about and then don't listen to the answer. As foreign service parents we get tripped up by our own parochial definitions, with an added dash of guilt, when we attempt to understand and describe our children's lives as "third culture kids" (TCKs). But problems should not be confused with patterns. Anticipating common patterns helps parents, educators, administrators and an ever growing number of children put into context the unique benefits of a childhood that leaves lasting impressions.

In a new book by David Pollock and Ruth Van Reken, titled "The Third Culture Kid Experience; Growing Up Among Worlds (Intercultural Press, Inc. 1999)," Pollock stresses this difference in his Introduction. "It is my conviction that being a TCK is not a disease, something from which to recover. It is also not simply okay - it is more than okay. It is a life healthily enriched by this very TCK experience and blessed with significant opportunities for further enrichment."

The authors say that "of all the TCKs we have met or worked with, very few would ever exchange the richness of their lives to avoid the inevitable challenges they have faced along the way." So that said, parents can pat themselves on the back, breath a sigh of relief, and then hold on for the bumpy ride which often accompanies the "challenges along the way." At that point, they will understand why this needed and insightful book was written.

Pollock and Van Reken describe in detail, and with great sensitivity, the evolution of the "third culture kid" - now more broadly defined as "children who accompany their parents into another culture." Section One, "The Third Culture Kid Experience" is divided into two parts, "Understanding the World of TCKs" and "The TCK Profile." Section Two is titled "Maximizing the Benefits."

One clear strength of this book is the way benefits and challenges are juxtaposed under common subheadings, so that mixed messages can be clearly understood and evaluated. For example, one subheading is titled "Expanded worldview versus confused loyalties." This made me think back to when my second grader wept one night over the words of a patriotic song she was learning in school which declared America was the greatest land on earth. "What about Norway?" she cried. "Norway is great too, isn't it?" She had just moved to Maryland from Oslo, Norway, where she had lived all her previous formative years. If I'd had the benefit of Pollock's and Van Reken's wisdom at that moment, I would have understood more fully the depth of confusion and emotion in my young daughter's head and heart. Her experiences in Norway were her worldview, but she was understandably torn about where to place her loyalty.

In Section Two - Maximizing the Benefits - Pollock and Van Reken tackle the hard work that depends on us, the parents of TCKs, to see out. Chapters cover areas like building a strong foundation, dealing with transition, educational needs, enjoying the journey, reentry, advocacy roles to sponsoring agencies and organizations, and how it’s never too late to address TCK issues with children, whether adult or younger. Without mincing words they say bluntly that "if both spouses aren't fully committed to a cross-cultural move, the experience often ends in disaster."

"Certainly the parents' attitude toward the job, the host country and the culture, and the sincerity of the political or religious beliefs that have motivated them to go abroad in the first place are critical factors. Parents who feel and act positively toward their situation and the host country people with whom they are working communicate that attitude to their children."

The book includes an excellent and comprehensive list of other resources and bibliography, results of a survey conducted in 1986 of 800 adult TCKs who answered questions concerning separation issues, and original writings and essays by TCKs.

David Pollock is well-known to the Foreign Service community as a guest speaker for the Overseas Briefing Center. He has lectured on TCK issues for over 20 years. Ruth Van Reken is an adult TCK, and a parent and grandparent of more TCKs. Her book "Letters Never Sent," about how she felt as a child to be separated from her parents while at boarding school, was one of the first books written about the TCK experience.

Linda Bell is the mother of two adult TCKs and author of "Hidden Immigrants; Legacies of Growing Up Abroad," (Cross Cultural Publications, 1997). Click here to order this book from Amazon.com.

Visit the Foreign Service Youth Foundation for more information.