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Parenting AbroadJehle-Caitcheon, N. (2003). Aletheia Publications. Putnam Valley, NY.by Ngaire Jehle-Caitcheon Reviewed by Audrey Shuler, Ph.D. |
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I have just finished reading Parenting Abroad by Ngaire Jehle-Caitcheon for the third time, and I want to read it again. Jehle-Caitcheon presents an accurate and comprehensive account of the challenges and rewards of parenting children abroad. The wide range of topics she describes is wonderfully informative and insightful. You can peruse the entire book and gain an understanding of the experiences of both the child and the parent as they live an expatriate life. You also can focus on any one issue in the book, and gain knowledge and guidance about parenting your child in your specific context.
The author and her husband traveled abroad extensively before having children. Her description of living abroad with children as "an adventure within an adventure," the real adventure beginning when the couple became expatriate parents, provides the background setting for the book. She introduces the theme of the book in her statement that parenting provides the key to the adaptive life of the expatriate child. Living abroad impacts children much more than adults because children are still passing through the different stages of personal growth and development. With each developmental step that children make in each area of their lives, they will face unique additional challenges due to living in an expatriate world. Children can face these challenges, rather than succumb to them, when they receive consistent, supportive parenting and back-up. As parents, we cannot take those developmental steps for our child. Instead, children must master their social skills and capabilities through their own experiences, primarily with their peer groups and other reference groups of the country in which they live. And, in the expatriate world, they likely will adopt skills, behaviors, and perspectives different from ours. The author suggests creative ways in which we, as parents, can continue to offer support and security without diminishing our child's ongoing learning. Parenting in a foreign setting places many unexpected demands on the parents. Jehle-Caitcheon explains that, as parents, we make an outer journey by choosing, as much as that is possible, an assignment that will be the most suitable for our child and then by providing parental support to our child in the new setting. Equally as important, we also must make self-exploratory inner journeys. Our own way of doing things will be challenged by the child introducing new ideas and behaviors into the home. We need to evaluate our own strengths and weaknesses, and the contextual factors in our lives, in order to understand how we can enhance our own adaptive skills, express our beliefs, and define our world view for our children without diminishing their unique cultural experiences. The author emphasizes that our goal, as expatriate parents, is to prepare the child of the next generation, to raise our children so that they become citizens of the future and competent members of a global society. Parenting Abroad is outstanding by itself as a continuing resource for "how-to-think-about-children-and-situations." One chapter discusses the different factors that parents must examine in thinking about moving abroad and choosing a posting. Another chapter focuses on the different concerns and challenges associated with leaving home, preparing for the experience, and saying goodbyes. New concerns then arise on the relocation in a new country, settling into the new life routine, and meeting new people. Jehle-Caitcheon discusses the different parenting situations we encounter in other countries that our parents probably did not face when we were children. For example, since we have neither any previous models of different ways of raising children in an expatriate world nor any new models of "correct" behaviors, we find ourselves at times having to "wing it." We have to try different ways of helping our children retain some of our cultural background while they explore new mannerisms and behaviors. The author addresses specific concerns we may have about raising children abroad, such as their health and safety, the characteristics of others who may provide care for our children, and the quality of the schools. Other important topics include the importance of family in providing a home and a stable environment for our children; the developmental stages of children; the idiosyncrasies of language learning; the formation of children's identity and values; and the challenges of raising multicultural children. The structure of the book facilitates communication. Each chapter introduces the general topic, followed by the different types of situations that fall within that category. The author develops each area thoroughly, including anecdotal examples, and provides different perspectives for looking at and understanding various parenting options. Guidance books for parents often attempt to provide specific answers to questions and doubts we may have; the authors in those books most often propose that their expertise reflects the correct process in all areas of parenting. My own experience with that type of parenting book has been one of frustration; either the answers in the book don't pertain to my specific situation, or the answers are not supported by recent research findings. This book, instead, gives the reader a wealth of well-grounded information that helps us examine, evaluate, provide support, and adapt to expatriate life with our children. Consistently relating each issue to the developmental stages of the child, the author provides guidelines for those things that we, as parents, can observe, the questions we need to ask ourselves, and the steps we can consider that may prevent, or help us work through, any difficulty. As you reread Parenting Abroad, without looking for the specific "how-to," you grasp the uniqueness of this book. The author conveys a rare understanding of both the development of children and that of the parents. Children carry with them, as they step outside of their home, the inherent characteristics with which they are born and the primary socialization learned from the parents and early caretakers. All children then develop within the particular context that surrounds them. If they live in the same context in which their parents developed, their beliefs, values and behaviors might be similar. We are parenting our children abroad, however. The author leads us through the inescapable reality that our children will adopt perspectives that might be different from our own. They need support from us as they incorporate their new learning experiences into the beliefs, values, and behaviors we have taught them. And, as we offer support to our children, the developing characteristics and behaviors of the children reciprocally shape our experiences. As you read the book, you can visualize walking with your children through the different stages of development, and, in the expatriate world, through the different cultural milieus.
© Audrey Shuler, Ph.D. Parenting Abroad is published by Alethia Publications.To buy this book, click here.
Psychotherapist Audrey Shuler, Ph.D., has worked with families, parents and children. She also specializes in cross-cultural consulting. She parented three children abroad with the help of her professional training and her willingness to "wing it," and she recognizes that parenting in new settings and cultures requires optimization of one's resources, talents, and skills.
Audrey Shuler, Ph.D.
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