Homeward Bound: A Spouse's Guide to Repatriation

by Robin Pascoe, Expatriate Press: 2000

Reviewed by Francesca Kelly

Expatriate life presents an extraordinarily diverse set of challenges which the expat somehow learns, over time, to deal with. But the one situation for which many expatriates are not well prepared is the one that seems as if it would be the easiest: coming home. Robin Pascoe's new book, Homeward Bound: A Spouse's Guide to Repatriation (c. 2000 Expatriate Press, www.expatriatepress.com), thoroughly addresses all aspects of repatriation for the spouse, from re-entry shock and depression, to helping the kids re-adjust, to setting up a new life.

Ms. Pascoe, author of several coping books for expat spouses and families, is also in demand as a speaker at expatriate-oriented conferences around the world, and has just launched her own publishing business. In fact, she'd be the last person, perhaps, one would expect to have suffered depression upon returning to her home country of Canada after many years overseas. Yet her honesty about the ups and downs of her own experience is what compels the reader forward. The tone is personal, funny, endearing, and ultimately sympathetic.

To those of us who are used to living life in two or three-year increments while posted overseas, it may come as a shocking surprise that the repatriation process can take 18 months to two years or even longer. Perhaps the first point that Ms. Pascoe makes in her very thorough discussion of repatriation is that the spouse's expectations have a lot to do with how well she adjusts to the return. The naturally high expectations attached to "finally coming home" can lead to a great deal of emotional upheaval and disappointment when things don't go according to the long-held fantasy of how they should go.

In subsequent chapters Ms. Pascoe covers a range of topics: things to contemplate before leaving post, what re-entry shock is, helping the family adjust, how to recognize depression, looking for employment, and re-entry rage and resentment. Perhaps the best of these is the chapter called What Do You Want to Do Now? (Placing Professional Value on Your Overseas Experience), in which not only job-hunting is discussed, but self-validation and self-definition vis-a-vis meaningful work, and the difficulty of re-establishing a career:

"...Women who felt a profound loss of independence when they first agreed to move abroad with their partners, always felt in the back of their minds that they would reclaim that independence when they returned home. Things don't always turn out that way. When work neither magically nor easily appears, a repatriated wife may slowly realize that she may now be just as dependent on her husband as before, only without the excuse of living in a foreign country. That's a scary thought...." (p. 115, Homeward Bound)

A light, conversational style and plenty of anecdotes keep the text lively and the reader interested. My one small complaint was the slant towards only female spouses. True, the majority of people who follow their spouse's work around the world are women, and Ms. Pascoe mentions at least once that the gender bias is intentional: this book is written with women in mind.

Ms. Pascoe does in fact know her readership well, and certainly the book would lose its "girlfriend-to-girlfriend" style if it were geared to both sexes. One can only hope that a male trailing spouse will write a book specifically for male trailing spouses, who have many of the same issues, as well as some very different ones.

In Homeward Bound, women spouses will find the companionable, confidential style a godsend during what is sure to be a difficult period. This may well be the first book they'll want to read upon returning home, particulary if they find themselves in tears every day and don't know why. Robin Pascoe has been there, understands, and is here to help.

© 2000 Francesca Huemer Kelly. All rights reserved.

Find out more about author Robin Pascoe and her books at Expatriate Press.

Order Robin Pascoe's earlier book, Culture Shock! Successful Living Abroad: A Wife's Guide (c. 1993 Graphic Arts Center Pub. Co.) from Amazon.com. Visit Robin at www.expertexpat.com.